This is Jenny here. I have been meaning to write a post for the past few days and just can’t find the right words to say. I guess there aren’t the right words to say. So here goes nothing.

My baby brother, Ryan Eugene Los, passed away on Feb 22nd. He was 25 years old, engaged to an amazing woman (Jamie Saylor), just received a promotion at work and excited about life. I have so many thoughts in my mind that i want to write about, so many stories. So many things about Ryan I want to share. I want to tell the world what an awesome kid he was, what a loving brother he was, what an amazing heart he had for people, how fun he was to be around.

This might be ugly and not written well but i am just going to write. Ryan died of drug overdose that morning of the 22nd. He was down in Ohio on travel for work. I talked to him the night before. He sounded great, was heading back to his hotel from getting a pizza. Life was good. He had been clean from drugs for a year and a half. I wonder what was going through his head that night…why he wanted to take anything. Life is so hard for some people, I don’t know why God allows that to happen. Life can just be so hard. Ryan fought, he fought depression, addiction, ADD. He just couldn’t kick it. But Ryan sure knew how to love. He loved hard and he loved well. He loved God. And I am ok because i know that Ryan doesn’t have to struggle one more day on this blasted earth. As much as I would have loved him to be around to be an uncle to my babies….to be my lifelong friend, i know that he is in a much better place and that I will see him again. God is a good God, although i want to yell and scream at Him somedays. God is a good God.

Ryan, i miss you so much. I miss your phone calls. Even the ones when you really annoyed me with your complaining. I would give anything to hear you complain about your work right now….and how you didn’t get paid for the overtime, or how heavy those frickin’ rocks were that you carried for that darn fountain. By the way, I saw that fountain the other day when I was at your work. It was beautiful. Your boss spoke so highly of you, she loved you.

Jamie started a website for ryan…to write stories, thoughts, whatever. it is please feel free to check it out and write something! There is a link on the right-hand side of this page.

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers.